Bereavement and belonging: a call for constructive compassion.

Bereavement and belonging: a call for constructive compassion.

The turning of the year always invites reflection and an opportunity to consider both personal and societal priorities and ambitions. It offers us an opportunity to reflect not only on what lies ahead but on what binds us together as a community and for me the ties that bind us are often seen best and most clearly at times of loss and grief. Bereavement is not a private shadow; it is a communal experience that shapes the health and wellbeing of our society. As we step into January, I am thoughtful of the extent to which as a society and as communities in Scotland we do or do not support every single person who is living with loss and experiencing grief in our midst at this time.

Bereavement is not merely a health service concern; it is a public health issue. Research shows that unresolved grief increases risks of mental illness, physical health decline, and economic strain through lost productivity and higher healthcare costs. I became very well aware of this whilst serving as a Commissioner on the UK Bereavement Commission and listening to the stories of hundreds of individuals whose lives were so damaged by grief. Poor bereavement support both costs lives and cripples our economic wellbeing. A very convincing article in The Lancet some eighteen months ago reminds us that failure to integrate bereavement care into public health systems leaves families vulnerable to illness and isolation, exacerbating the societal toll of loss. It forcefully argues what I believe personally to be truthful and that is that investing in bereavement care and support is a public health priority.

This past week those individuals and organisations involved in Scotland’s National Charter on Bereavement for Adults and Children, which was launched in 2020, published their Manifesto for the upcoming Scottish Parliamentary elections.

The manifesto calls for:

  • A National Bereavement Lead within government to coordinate policy and ensure bereavement does not fall between departmental cracks.
  • Investment in Bereavement Charter Marks for workplaces, schools, and other locations such as prisons and ordinary businesses thus creating cultures of compassion where grief is acknowledged and supported.
  • Community Partnerships that embed bereavement support in local networks, from hospices to voluntary groups.

The Manifesto uses a number of case scenarios to show the sort of success that has been achieved to date, all of which evidence compassion in practice and the positive impact that good bereavement support can bring to communities as well as individuals.

It tells the story of ten Scottish schools who have embraced the Bereavement Charter Mark, integrating grief literacy into education and partnering with local hospices. Teachers report that this work “takes a village” building resilience and empathy among pupils and staff alike. The Manifesto shows how employers adopting bereavement-friendly policies have seen improved staff wellbeing and retention. As one case study notes, “a single act of kindness kept me afloat”—a reminder that organisational culture can transform grief into belonging.

Strong bereavement support is not charity; it is social infrastructure. A 2023 study by Marie Curie and Warwick University found that equitable access to bereavement care reduces health inequalities and fosters community cohesion, particularly for marginalised groups. When grief is met with understanding, people return to work sooner, families avoid crisis, and communities grow stronger.

The Charter Group is making simple asks of our new parliamentarians and whoever it is that will form the next Scottish Government. These practical steps are to:

  1. Fund the Vision: Allocate resources for Bereavement Charter initiatives – especially by resourcing the process with £250K over three years which is a modest investment for systemic change.
  2. Appoint a National Bereavement Lead: The next Government needs to create a dedicated role within Scottish Government to coordinate bereavement policy and practice across departments.
  3. Develop a National Bereavement Strategy: The lack of a national strategy is a real gap in Scottish public policy. We need to co-produce a national strategy for bereavement support, building on the Charter and addressing gaps in the current palliative care strategy
  4. Embed Bereavement in Public Health strategies: We need to integrate grief support into mental health and wellbeing plans, ensuring timely, culturally competent care. This can be achieved by more groups adopting the Charter Mark, but that work needs to be resourced.
  5. Mobilise Communities: We need to encourage local employers, schools, and voluntary groups to adopt Charter principles and collaborate with bereavement organisations, and lastly
  6. Prioritise Succession Rights in the Housing Bill: We need to implement actions to protect the housing rights of terminally ill people and bereaved families.

As someone who has walked alongside countless individuals and families in the aftermath of loss, I know that bereavement is not an event rather it is a landscape. It shapes how we live, work, and belong. Policy matters because it signals what we value as a society. When we invest in bereavement support, we invest in humanity. When we consider bereavement support as a matter of societal and economic priority then we shape our communities into places where all are welcome, where none are excluded even in the rawness of grief and the pain of absence. Bereavement support opens the door to belonging.

Belonging is not a feeling we manufacture; it is a practice we share. It looks like a school that teaches grief literacy and a workplace that keeps the door open when someone returns. It looks like a local café that knows how to hold a silence, and a parish that lights a candle with a name. It looks like government appointing a Bereavement Lead and resourcing Charter Marks so compassion becomes ordinary and everywhere. It looks like the neighbour who brings bread, the nurse who calls back, the friend who sits and says nothing at all. If we want a Scotland where everyone has a place, then we must keep making places where grief is met, supported, and held. When we invest in bereavement support, we invest in community. When we stand with the grieving, we stand with ourselves.

The UK Commission on Bereavement captured this truth with clarity:

“Bereavement is everyone’s business. It is not a niche concern but a universal experience that demands a collective response.”

Starting the year with compassion means making this more than a slogan. It means embedding bereavement care and support into the architecture of our communities and the heart of our governance. As we’ve set out in the Charter and its Manifesto, these are simple, fundable acts that make compassion part of the everyday. Let us make 2026 the year we turn manifesto into movement.

I am mindful of one of my favourite poems from a favourite poet, Jackie Kay, who offers us a tender, communal vision of how those who have died  “are still here holding our hands,”

Darling

You might forget the exact sound of her voice
or how her face looked when sleeping.
You might forget the sound of her quiet weeping
curled into the shape of a half moon,

when smaller than her self, she seemed already to be leaving
before she left, when the blossom was on the trees
and the sun was out, and all seemed good in the world.
I held her hand and sang a song from when I was a girl –

Heel y’ho boys, let her go boys –
and when I stopped singing she had slipped away,
already a slip of a girl again, skipping off,
her heart light, her face almost smiling.

And what I didn’t know or couldn’t say then
was that she hadn’t really gone.
The dead don’t go till you do, loved ones.
The dead are still here holding our hands.

Darling by Jackie Kay – Scottish Poetry Library

 

Donald Macaskill

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez  on Unsplash.

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